Inside The Ballpark - Baseball Humor Blog

April 16th, 2008

My Open Letter to Prince Fielder

Prince, let’s you and I have a talk. I understand that you’re wanting to trim some of that excess weight, and I can respect that. I understand that you don’t want to eat meat anymore, and I can respect that… even if I don’t understand it. But let’s face facts here: You’re not hitting.

In fact, you have only three extra-bhase hits in 49 at bats this season, and you’re hitting. 224. However, most importantly, you have zero home runs in those same 49 at-bats. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard the accusations that your lack of eating meat is attributing to this lack of power. After all, when you try to steer yourself away from meat you’re going to suffer from some weakness for a while as your body adjusts to not getting the proteins that you otherwise would have in your system.

I do have a question, however: Why not wait? Wait until after the season to go on the no-meat diet. That way you will have four or five months to let your body adjust to the new diet, and you won’t be hurting your team (and your contract chances) in the process. The National League Central, for better or worse, is the most competitive division in the league. Every team has a chance to win that division, and Milwaukee needs you, Prince. So I urge you to please, please…

…eat some beef. Some chicken. Turkey. Ham. Sausage. Venison. Lamb. SOMETHING! After the season you can eat whatever you want, but just wait!

Image, as always, from Wikipedia

Share This

By Jim Walker -- 2 comments

April 15th, 2008

Jackie Robinson: The Most Important Ballplayer to Ever Play the Game

What Robinson did for the game of baseball simply cannot be measured. Without Robinson, names like Pujols, Rodriguez, Gonzalez, Sheffield, and Ichiro would probably mean nothing to you. Without Robinson, the Hall of Fame would lack some of the greatest to ever play the game: Bob Gibson, Willie Mays, and Roberto Clemente come to mind immediately. No, what Jackie Robinson did for the game of baseball, and in a larger perspective, for the advancement of civil rights in the United States cannot be measured by any man. In recent years, MLB has adopted a new tradition on Jackie Robinson Day, where players are allowed to wear the number #42. While I love this idea, Major League Baseball has handled the tradition’s implementation poorly.

330 players (including nine entire teams) wore #42 today. While I’m happy to see so many players wanting to honor Robinson, this is simply over-saturation. If I were running things in Major League Baseball, I would handle this far differently than Bud Selig. First, and foremost, the only team that should be allowed to have their whole roster wear #42 is (naturally) the Dodgers. Of course, in a perfect world the team would also have to play their game in Brooklyn on that day, but one step at a time. Secondly, ONLY ONE representative from each team NOT named the Dodgers would be allowed the number for the day. Also, the player in question would not be a white player. No offense to all the white folks reading this (I’m a white guy, myself), but there is just something unfitting about a white player wearing #42 on Jackie Robinson day. If I’m alone in this sentiment, I’ll shut up about it.

If you want to go the other way with this, then have every player on every team wear #42. This way you at least have some kind of uniformity with the celebration.

Regardless, today was about Jackie Robinson, and just as baseball has done with this day every year since I can remember, they have handled the celebration with honor and grace.

*Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons

Share This

By Jim Walker -- 0 comments

April 14th, 2008

Detroit Finally Gets It Together — For a Day, Anyways

[IMAGE: Don’t get me started with the “images” fiasco. Just use your imagination for today. It’ll be healthy for you.]

You know, the colossal kick-in-the-pants that Jim Leyland gave the Tigers before tonight’s game against the Twins couldn’t have come at a better time. They had been outscored in their previous two games (against the Chicago White Sox who, personally, I think are evil) 18-0, and the team as a whole looked, well, old. So, before today’s game against the Minnesota Twins Leyland was asked about chemistry, to which he replied, more or less, “chemistry is bull[censored for the kiddies]”. So, after that kind of tirade, how did the Tigers respond?

By falling behind 5-0, and again 9-4. Oh, boy.

However, sometime during the 6th inning the Tigers finally got their act together, scoring eleven runs in 3 innings and pulling out a 11-9 victory. Now while I’m sure that Leyland’s closed-door “speech” (which I theorize boiled down to little more than “$187 Million for this [censored] [censored]!? My grandma’s [censored] has a better chance at getting on base than you lifeless [censored]!”) will be pointed to for this win, I have another theory as to what motivated the Tigers to win tonight: Kidnapping.

Yes, kidnapping. Without going into detail, I’ll simply say that I wouldn’t be shocked if Leyland signed off on a “motivational operation” that included the following: A briefcase of money, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and a safe house in Nicaragua. Either way, congrats to the Tigers.

Share This

By Jim Walker -- 0 comments

April 14th, 2008

Konichiwa, Everybody

Hello, everyone. I… am not Hunter Pence. In fact I am James Walker, and like most of you I am but a simple fan. As you probably heard, I’ve been brought on board here at b5 while we try to take Inside the Ballpark in a different direction. Rather than being a chronicling of one man’s life as a major leaguer, we’re going to try and just look at the sport and business of baseball.

Through beer goggles.

A few things about myself and baseball: I’m a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan (meaning I was a fan before 2006). I’ve been to over 200 games in person, and haven’t missed a game via live or broadcast since I was in basic training. I played baseball in high school and could have played in college, but rather than chase the money (the smart, but shallow thing) I decided to join the US Army (the dumb, but noble) thing.

So, will we ever see Hunter again? I have no idea. I’d like for him to come around from time to time to say hi and give me an always welcome bump in traffic. But, you know… he had to go to work.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy. You and I are gonna be stuck together for a long time.

Share This

By Jim Walker -- 1 comment

April 8th, 2008

Inside the Ballpark

Since Hunter Pence has decided to leave b5media and concentrate on the season (Good luck to you and the Astros, Hunter) we have decided to take this blog in a different direction.

Soon, this blog will have a new dedicated writer, who will be bringing humorous takes about baseball news, teams and players.

We hope you check back here real soon to see what’s happening at Inside the Ballpark.

In the meantime, check out the rest of the b5media sports channel and get your baseball fix at Knuckle Curve.

Thanks,

Kori Ellis
b5media Sports Channel Editor

Share This

By Kori Ellis -- 0 comments

March 30th, 2008

From Hunter - This team is going to fight

Hello everyone,

The last week of spring training is over. The Houston Astros 2008 roster is set, and it’s been a frenzy in the clubhouse.

I’ll say that its been tough on everyone to handle all of the packing and unpacking, and now we have to do more to get to San Diego. Not to mention trying to get everything set up with our places to stay for those of us who dont have a house yet.

All that aside, when we get to San Diego the games will finally count. I know that the media and all the so called “experts” are stacked up against us because of pitching. I’ll say that this team is going to fight, and there’s way too many gamers in that locker room for this season not to surprise people.

My hat is off to Ed Wade, Cecil Cooper, and all the Astros staff for how they changed the attitude of the team and the accomplishments in the offseason. Everyone asks me what I think of all the changes, and there’s my answer.

We got a team full of guys who are a little crazy, and I think everyone is going to have some fun watching us go at it this season. When I say crazy, I mean it in an intense competitor beyond the norm crazy. Just like me. =)

I would like to thank everyone for stopping by and checking out my blog this Spring Training. This will be my last one this season so I can focus on the season itself. Thanks again to b5 media and to all of the fans who stopped by. I hope you enjoyed it.

Hunter

Share This

By Hunter Pence -- 4 comments

March 25th, 2008

Hunter Pence to Bat Second?

Coming into spring training, it appeared as if Hunter Pence would be batting sixth in the Houston Astros’ lineup. After an impressive spring training, it appears as if Pence may find himself batting second permanently.

“He’s just an exciting player, and you want him to bat as many times as you can,” Astros manager Cecil Cooper told the Houston Chronicle. “If he’s down sixth, it would probably keep him from hitting one extra time. You want your best guys right up top. Hunter’s just a guy that sees it and hits it.”

Pence has continued his impressive play during spring training as he’s leading the Astros in at-bats (54), hits (19) and RBI’s (13). Pence also has five doubles, a triple and three homeruns.

Share This

By Kori Ellis -- 3 comments

March 23rd, 2008

From Hunter: It’s Go Time!

Hi,

We are down to our last week of spring training and for me the season can’t start soon enough. The games get more intense at this time and the bell has rung so to speak.

You really can’t tell how the season is going to go from spring training, but I can tell you that I definately have some fuel for the fire. I came across a question and answer that I found interesting and motivating. With a question asking if the Astros “can” make the playoffs … Not even asking if we WILL make the playoffs but if we “CAN.” The answer was “Put me down for a No.”

This fires me up more than anything. I love it when I’m doubted and my team is doubted, because now we have even more to prove. This gives a little extra motivation.

On another note, it’s been good to see Tejada these last couple days. It’s unbelievable how he flipped the switch right after our off-day. I’ll be honest I wasn’t sure about his swing until now, but he is playing a different game than before. That’s what is so amazing about the veterans, they know just how to get themselves right in spring training. Most of them work on things until the last week then amp it up to a new level whenever they want.

Every at-bat early in spring he wasn’t in good rhythm and now all of a sudden, he hasn’t had a bad at-bat in three days. You could say that’s just the ups and downs of baseball, but he literally told us “Now it’s time to get it going.” And that’s just what he has done.

I have learned so much from this spring training, seeing how it’s my first one to be on the major league team. Every year before this has been completely different. It’s nice now, because I can use what I learned this year to better prepare for next year.

My goal is to maximize my strength, speed and baseball feel for the season. If I had it to do over again, I might focus a little less early in spring on hitting and use more of that energy in the weight room, because we have such a long time to let the game sink in.

I was in a rush to feel mid-season form this year and probably over did my cage work. All in all I’m very happy with where I’m at and soon all the talk will be over and the season will be here.

It’s go time! =)

Hunter

Share This

By Hunter Pence -- 3 comments

March 21st, 2008

A Look Back at Hunter Pence’s Rookie Season

Check out these new Hunter Pence YouTube video. It features a lot of Hunter’s pictures and is put together quite nicely. If you want to take a look back at Hunter’s rookie season, this is a good way to do so.

The music in the video is “Smells like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.

Share This

By Kori Ellis -- 0 comments

March 20th, 2008

Hunter Pence Powers Astros Past Braves

The Houston Astros beat the Atlanta Braves on Wednesday by a final score of 8-7. The big bat for the Astros was our very own Hunter Pence. Hunter went 3-4 with two runs, three RBIs and his third homerun of the spring. He also had a double and a stolen base.

Miguel Tejada, who was Houston’s biggest offseason acquisition, also had a big day. Tejada went 4-4 with one run, two RBIs and his first homerun of the spring. On the pitching mound, Shawn Chacon was very good. Chacon started and pitched five innings, giving up only three hits and one run.

With the win, the Astros improved their spring record to 10-12. Houston next plays against the Washington Nationals on Thursday.

Share This

By Kori Ellis -- 0 comments